I don’t even know where to start.

The Grammys have turned into this kind of “cool” awards show where you don’t have to dress very glamorously like you would at the Oscars or the Golden Globes…etc, but it hasn’t always been that way. Growing up, the Grammys were the creme de la creme of dressing in Hollywood, and this year, the stars took their fashion sense to new extreme lows. As in, fire-your-stylist before I fire him or her, lows.

Do we care to start with the worst dressed? I would, because there are far more picks on my worst dressed list than there are on my best. Here we go…

Worst:

Rihanna

As an update, I’m adding Rihanna’s atrocity to this post. Several visitors have come here looking for this dress, so I feel it necessary to provide. I’m not sure what happened to this dress, but it appears that it the furrier who made it forgot to add some of the fur. I see London, I see France…I see Rihanna’s wearing no underpants. I can’t imagine how difficult it must’ve been to not move the wrong way in this. Rihanna, really? Let’s wear something that’s not missing material next time.

Steve Rosenthal

Apparently Steve Rosenthal is some sort of fabulous producer or something like that. I don’t know who the hell he is. But whoever he is, he needs some help. The sunglasses on the red carpet? Really, no one knows who you are, so you need to take them off. Second, those pants…they don’t fit. UM HELLO! How could you walk out of the house like this, and not notice that your pants needed some major hemming because they’re bunching up on your shoes. Also the hair…could use some touching up.

Sarah Hart

Another person that I have no idea who on earth they are is singer, Sarah Hart with a major letdown in this frock. I’m not sure if this is her first awards show, or what, but I’m assuming she knows she’s in LA, not Lanikai. Is it just me, or does she look like she’s headed for the beach? What’s up with the cork wedge flip flops?

Snooki

As far as I’m concerned, “Snooki” as she is affectionately referred to, doesn’t even deserve to have her name typed out her, so I’m not typing it. While we’re off to a great start with the fact that I can’t stand her, or anyone from Jersey Shore for that matter, WHY IS SHE EVEN AT THE GRAMMYS?! Please tell me this chick isn’t pulling a Paris Hilton/Kim Kardashian and trying to sing now. My ears are burning just thinking about it.

Anyways, there’s way too much of everything silver happening here, and I’m one to tell you, I love glitter and sequins and everything sparkly. But not like this: Silver glittery dress, silver fringy glittery bracelets, silver glittery fringe earrings, silver makeup, matchy-matchy silver glitter clutch, and the hooker shoes with the horribly placed rhinestones pretty much take the cake.

Yocon Talie

Yocon Talie. Maybe it’s just these people I’ve never heard of who don’t know how to dress themselves when they wake up in the morning, but this chick looks like she got into a head-on collision with several brightly colored birds. No, no, you know what? She was playing “Angry Birds” in this dress, and the birds, well, they clearly got angry.

Gram'ma Funk

Okay, the who the hell is Gramma Funk and why is her name Gramma? She doesn’t look like a “grandma” me, especially not in this getup. Besides the fact that she looks like she’s been strutting the Vegas strip, the bustier is beyond too small for her cup, which clearly runneth WAY over, and I’m a little confused as too where the bottom of her dress went. I know these “shorter in the front/longer in the back” hems are all the rage, but why is it cut up into pieces? UGH. The leather gloves and hooker-tastic shoes just about do it for me.

Nicki Minaj

Dear Nicki, did you kill a cheetah and a skunk to complete your look for the evening? I’m very fascinated. And I know you’re trying to best “fresh” and like the black version of Lady Gaga, but I mean, she doesn’t know how to dress either, so you just stop. And please, don’t harm another skunk to get your hair looking like that or a cheetah to make your…dress, leggings and shoes…and hood…and whatever else you got going on.

Lady Gaga is in there somewhere

Speaking of Lady Gaga, I’ve really just about had enough with her antics. Supposed she’s hooked on coke again (according to the tabloids) and she must’ve been completely doped up when she decided to arrive to the Grammys inside of an egg, as an embryo, with strange bodily-looking people-things carrying her like Cleopatra. I’ve also seriously just had enough of you, and you ripped off a Madonna song, which is totally not as cool as when Britney Spears made out with Madonna. I think your fifteen minutes of fame is up and you should go away now.

Hayley Williams of Paramore

Hayley, you’re adorable and your band is awesome, but it’s not Halloween. Your signature orangy-red locks just do not go with your hot pink tutu-skirt that is attached the drop-waist of your…see through sequin frock. Don’t take offense to this or anything, but you look like you give a $5 lap dance and I’ve seen you dress better than this. Please don’t disappoint again.

Dianna Agron

Dianna Agron…is that you?! I couldn’t tell underneath all that makeup and ugly 80′s inspired ‘do. You’re too pretty for that. Unfortunately, you also dressed for the high school prom rather than the Grammys, which I’m a little bit upset about, because Glee is my favorite show and you look like a total badass in your new movie. Don’t do this again. Ever. Except if you’re going to the prom…ON GLEE.

Kelly Osbourne

I adore Kelly Osbourne and it absolutely pains me to put her on my worst dressed this, but seriously girlfriend, you have a bangin’ body now, why are you hiding it under this lilac-ruffled disaster? I can see Kell tried to take it in at the waist, but it was a waste of time. Fortunately, this shade of purple is totally fabulous on her and she should try it again, but with a much less ugly dress that shows off her fabulous figure!

More worst-dressed contenders who didn’t make the pictures: Katy Perry (she wore wings, a mock wedding dress and wouldn’t stop making out with Russell Brand), Jennifer Lopez, Miley Cyrus (who was actually dressed age-appropriately for the first time since she was 12), Willow Smith, Usher, Cyndi Lauper, Lea Michele, Jordin Sparks, Jada Pinkette Smith (yeah, that’s two Smiths, if you’re counting), Ricky Martin (he wore silver pants), Nicole Kidman, Pauley Perrette, Ciara, and many, many more)

Best:

Jennifer Hudson

If we’re discussing ladies who should be showing off their fabulous figures, there is no way I can’t mention Jennifer Hudson! I didn’t even recognize her! She’s absolutely glowing in this gowning that perfectly accentuates her new, thin frame, and has just the right amount of glitz and glamour for the Grammy’s.

Miranda Lambert

It’s not often that I’m a fan of people who try to dress like the awards that they’re nominated to win, but Miranda Lambert just looks totally fabulous! She’s glowing, her dress is kind of glowing, and all in all, I just thought she looked really pretty.

Selma Blair

Calling Natalie Portman! Take a cue from the gorgeous, and PREGNANT Selma Blair, who apparently knows who to dress her growing figure without sacraficing her fashion sense. While I thought the colors could’ve been a little bit better, the deep V-neck of Selma’s dress directs the eye upward, instead of towards her stomach. She chose a gown that moved with her, and didn’t wrinkle around her bump because it was too tight. Oh, and her clutch–totally TO DIE FOR!

Monica

I bet you forgot about her…don’t be shy about it… I did too! I haven’t heard from her since she was fighting over some boy in a song with Brandy…Monica’s back, and even though her overly-80′s shoulders are a little bit much for me, I’m not opposed to this look. For Monica’s return to the scene, her dress was also very fitting of the Grammys, emitting just the right amount of chicness with a fitted shape and a gorgeous train. Way to go girl!

Julianne Hough

Julianne Hough wows again, in this gorgeous printed gown. While I was too lazy to look up the designers of all of my best dressed features, who actually cares when you look this good? It doesn’t matter.

I’m not normally a big fan of prints because they tend to look very casual, but Julianne pulls it off with style!

Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez looked absolutely stunning in a floor-length sparkling, champagne colored gown. She may be the only 18-year-old in existence who actually knows how to dress appropriately. Bravo, Selena!

Eva La Rue

I don’t see her often since I ended my CSI: Miami watching spree a few years ago, but Eva La Rue looked downright glam in this printed minidress! I don’t think there’s much more to say than that. Just look!

And that’s all she (I) wrote! My best dressed list only included SEVEN contenders and the worst had about 20. If you’re at the Grammys, you make enough money to hire a stylist. DO IT.